More statistics available

Worked overnight to fixing bugs, and at the same time adding some new features to get more results. Now adding code to collect number of hops a packet traversed.

The structure of ns-3 is so elegant ^^ Trying to integrate my codes into the ns-3 core is complicated. But as I progress steps by steps I found ns-3 architecture prevenst me from screwing up all different conceptual components. Fixing my design into the ns-3's attribute system, traces and callbacks, ns logging, statistics collection framework, ns-3 object, etc is truly an advanced lesson on programming.

So glad that I started playing with ns-3 ^^

Now traffic are Poisson ...

... and is about the time to have breakfast and go to work ...... ai......

OMGWTF......... a stupid program bug found... finally!!

In order to simulate randomness of traffic, I started the sending and receiving applications at random time...

Then I observed unanticipated packet drops. These were observed even at the sourcing rate 0.1Mbps with link speed 100Mbps..!!

Packet dumps revealed that there were ICMP unreachable packets sending back.

Those unanticipated dropped packets were all the first packet sent from sources, but not all first packets were dropped.

After 2 or 3 hours debugging, now found the reasons.

I started some receivers AFTER the senders due to randomly starting BOTH senders and receivers.... no wonder there were some packets sent but found no receivers....

So stupid.......

Ai.... I am still at school now....

舊同學搵我做pre-sales

好開心哦~ 哈哈city舊同學信得我過問我有無興趣去佢到幫佢手一齊應付佢個難搞的老細，聽到好有挑戰性，o岩晒我，仲要係pre-sales，專門度計仔諗solution，但implementation又唔洗做，哈哈~

不過呢~ mmmm睇多一兩個月先~ ^^ 我既機密計劃正在進行中~~~~~ 呵~

OOooo... YES!!! Seems the memory leak problem is solved!!!

Hohohohohooo~ my ns-3 simulation script is now ready to run a super (a kind of super..!) heavy test with many many packets and many many sessions~~ hohohohohohohohoo

趕東鐵尾班車

由趕觀塘線12:45am尾班車到趕東鐵線1:04am尾班車... 哩d唔洗瞓覺既生活真係........

Let's go together ^^

回想過去

我又眼濕濕哦...

不顧一切的繼續走上post-青島旅程的路，沒有將來是可以計算出來的，見步行步吧!

時間越來越跑得快，而我很快就會畢業了。

過了明天不知所謂的工作後，明晚還要繼續努力，要睡了。

早抖

青島學術會議

Simulation in progress ... ^^

Yeah~ Several things are just done today.

• Now able to collect reordering extent and reordering late time from the simulation
• Started simulating deflection routing for revising the manuscript

Hopefully some beautiful plots are going to be available in the tomorrow night. Hohoo~~

Still, the organization of the manuscript needs to be further revised. Better to omit to ugly math and concentrate on packet reordering. OMG... impossible to submit the revision by the end of Oct... Why I am working on the stupid stuffs during the day time????.... what the f__king job in _cc_ that only needs my skills from secondary school...!

Okay~! back home now and prepare for the my "night career"~!

Häagen-Dazs意大利朱古力好好味

Deflection routing個program係到行緊，自己就走左去又一城買雪糕，好好味呀~~~ 但係我咬左一下我個上咀嚼... 之前咬左右邊幾個week都未好返，而家又咬多下係左邊... 做咩事呀..... 嗚...


學校做野真係好，優優閒閒，又可以不停提高自己能力~ mmm!!!! 呵呵

一鑵啤酒

擒日跟朋友去BBQ，下晝燒燒燒燒到11pm先走~ 我開始要訓練下自己飲酒啦，擒日我就飲左一鑵，返到屋企我爸媽都嘩一聲，原來我成個頭都紅晒...! 哈哈

Siemens German Beer Festival Party

從來未去過哩d event，本來仲以為係d圓席活動，所以問要幾多張ticket時都原全醒唔起其實可以要多幾張~! 早知囉多左ticket叫埋個又黑又矮果個靚「仔」一齊去啦~~ 哈哈哈~~

原來都幾好玩，有人唱歌搞氣氛，最衰自己唔靚仔... 唔夠膽沖埋去其他人到識人地d女仔~!!! 唉! 哈哈走埋去台前同大家一齊玩，小弟都怕怕羞羞呢，不過咁多人一齊hehehaha好開心哦~ ^^

聽個師兄講，哩個event上年都有，佢上年比錢入黎玩，野食係要再分開比錢架! 我地今次任食巨型咸豬手任飲啤酒任食雪糕，非常滿足 ^^

今次我飲到一杯酒(500~600ml)啦~ ^^ 慢慢要訓練下~ 呵呵~

師兄係會場到影既相，唔知大家睇唔睇到?
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=156106&id=504873318&ref=nf

突然鬆晒

青島返黎啦~要趕既present終於完左, 公司既野handover左比人, GT project又停埋, 嘩~!! 爽~

青島present當日, 有人走黎問我囉ppt, 話唔好意思, 瞓過龍聽唔到我present, 哈哈~ 認真令我興奮。

真係好令人响往，可以全日不停咁做自己既research~ ^^

嘩~!! 趕起啦~!!!

CCCN '09 個presentation ppt趕起左啦, 一陣10:30am就要起行上青島, 而家要返屋企執bag沖涼.... 好痴線呀!!!!!

噢... 又係學校通頂...

好癲呀... 快d過左個青島conference啦...

Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture: Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

Summary clip



Transcript is here: http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/Randy/pauschlastlecturetranscript.pdf

July 25th, 2008

Randy died this morning of complications from pancreatic cancer. The CMU news story is here

http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/news/index.html

Do you have a dream? Or do you dream?

單身 vs. 拍拖

本來想準備大筆大筆寫一寫這個話題，不過... 來到blog就有心無力... 太煩啦，還是算吧。

甚麼都無所謂就好了...

...
...
...

其實單身一點都不好過，我最感到寫意的應該是與愛侶一起發白日夢，編寫一下將來在海邊有間小屋，天台有間玻璃房專門用來看風看雨，閒是一起去個好十幾廿日的旅行，背著一大堆行理，手持一大疊地圖，坐在一個陌生的十字街口上迷了路，互罵後又傻笑起來，幻想一下愛妻子多過愛孩子會如何...

現在我腦海裏的將來是這樣的；............ 隨緣吧，無論是換到vendor公司工作也好，或者遇到愛侶。

...
...
...

唉.... 甚麼都無所謂就好了... 好煩....

Can't stop learning new stuffs, even I am in a super hurry

I am flying to 青島 on Oct 14, and I am supposed to bring me a presentation power point together. But I am still working on simulation programs now, and guess what?........ I am trying to learn and to use the Sqlite3 engine for storing all simulation results in a database AT THIS MOMENT! Hahahhahaa... I am still playing with new stuffs .... What am I doing...! I believe the Sqlite3 is going to save me time, because it tidy up all results nicely in a database. And I can run SQL statement to do data analyses. I see there are much time saving by using Sqlite3 and thus I risk at playing this new engine when I have only 3 nights left. Crazy am I?

所謂紅顏禍水

同班朋友去左酒吧傾計，又比人問左問感情事，本來都唔再想係哩類低能話題上花腦汁，不過老朋友用力關心，自己都出下力review下自己感情事既情況，結果係 --- 一個「煩」字。 Review過後自己又再諗一諗，覺得自己真係不適宜與女性生物走得近。比自己半年時間抖一抖? 半年? 不如等我學業上穩定返再講，應該會更適合。

返到學校啦!

嘩哈哈真係返左黎~! 多謝佐治車我 ^^ 瞓一瞓先，一陣開波啦要!!!

What is engineering to me?

I am used to see someone joking about the similarities and differences between the following three

• mathematicians
• physicists
• engineers

To me at this moment, one of the major contributions of the three people are, respectively,

• mathematicians give us legal generalization on any logic;
• physicists give us legal generalization on experiments/measurements;
• engineers use the above two kind of generalizations and transform one specific solution into another either analytically exact or statistically approximate.

And the quality of engineers is how far the transformation can be done as effortlessly as possible. The acronym of "transformation" is "engineering." So, it doesn't matter if someone couples "customer experience" with "engineering." What really matters to me are the following.

• Using 1000 staffs to serve 1000 customers and achieving supreme customer experience is not what "engineering" means to do in my own term, because there no generalization is done from serving customer A and no transformation is done from A to serving customer B;
• Using N*(N-1)/2 links to form a N-node network is not what "engineering" means to do in my own term, because there no generalization is done from a 2-node network (a link) to a N-node network and no transformation is done from connecting 2-node together into connecting N-node together. Nonetheless, such a network must provide the best customer experience with respective to any N-node networks whose number of links is smaller than N*(N-1)/2;
• The design of SIP protocol is definitive an beautiful engineering work as it generalizes the call setup signal flows into the single session initialization protocol and transforms the call setup solution into a videoconference session setup solution, white board session setup solution, instance messaging session setup solution, and any session setup solution;
• The design of IP is definitely a ground-breaking engineering work as it generalizes the different layer-2 networks into a single layer-3 networks and transforms among Ethernet/Frame-relay/radio-network/serial-link/etc connectivity solution;
• likewise.

I dream to work for a real engineering company.

瘋狂一星期

連續五天睡三、四小時，夜晚八、九時離開公司，零晨兩三時離開九龍塘，昨晚更在學校電腦前坐睡，今天又晚夜十時多離開公司，一切都是為了公司production launch和學校十月十四日在青島的deflection routing presentation。

早多個星期，對於這種生活感到很大壓力，又很痛苦，但這一個星期感覺開始相反，覺得自己很有生命力。^^ 從新拾起往日IVE或UG為著FYP向前衝而身心根皮力盡的滋味。

這個月的壓迫力，是我懂性而來記憶中力度最大的。

現在我有著這此打算，公司production launch，根本就是死路一條，不如準備急救，不用再幻想可以launch date前完工。青島presentation，夠時間完成program，都不夠時間run simulation，只能夠退而求其次，present perlim results，多說concept，少討論實際成效。

每事都不盡完美時，唯有求progress，希望時間可以把它化為成績。

這個六日是學校事情的關鍵，要好好善用。

他日畢業後，一定要換到vendor公司工作，與一班developer通宵趕project!! 現在公司趕的東東都是brainless的，光燒體力、燒時間、燒精神，但卻半點腦汁都不用燒... 從MPhil開始到現在足足五年多，我依然希望以燒腦汁燒knowledge為終身事業。

這個星期，確實太過變態...

仲係學校呀...

未走...嗚嗚... 我會唔會死係到架...

愛是最真實的

無論付出過多少收獲到多少，當一切都除時間流去後，能夠繼續留下的，總是與愛離不開。

哩幾日都8點先開離公司...

真係死火.... 學校個presentation跟本未搞掂, 但又哩幾日都keep住遲返學校...

雖然話最近哩幾個week我做野有返火, 有火到幾日都只係瞓左3個幾4個鐘都可以繼續朝九晚二三, 但今日開始有眼瞓感覺, 頂唔順啦...

擒晚第一次兩點開始city, 不過話時話係city讀左六年幾書, 今日先知原來晚夜兩係有方法返到荃灣！哈哈~ 以前學校fulltime, 一無地鐵就倒不如係學校瞓, 從來無動機要係晚夜兩點離開city

好... 而家要繼續努力, 有第一張圖睇下啦終於!! packet lose vs. traffic offered rate

原來有通宵車由九龍塘到旺角

N271
N281

哈哈，咁繼續啦

工作新法方

打開一本筆記簿在keyboard邊，有事情就寫下，自己會變得願意去「一件事還一件事」。有時自己很怕把緊要的忘了，所以會行cycle-stealing mode，無論空車時間短至幾分鐘也好，都會馬上插進新件，結果整個人都混亂了。


問題不是我不懂，是心態上難以disable cycle-stealing mode，但一本筆記簿就解決了。


寧可記下事情，不去cycle-stealing都不是新發現，最近就試用Google task來disable cycle-stealing，但發現效果不好，應該是因為monitor面積不足吧。

First deflection routing result is coming

Few..... just finished two classes for collecting statistics. Now the ns-3 simulation is running at school at a ... pretty slow speed as cygwin on windows does not support optimized configuration. Nevermind, let see what I will get tomorrow.

I am going to fly to 青島 on the coming Wednesday and I have to have some results for presentation~! Hope everything is alright.

Back home and have sleep....... man...... How can I get back home at 1am?????

最近一句

「把夢想寄情於風箏上，邀請秋風作伴侶，在浮雲間府望著一細點一細點，為生命付出了無數汗水的熱血青年，雖然，我們這一群還是太過頑皮! 」


我作的 ^^ 我亦蠻喜歡。

不停食美心冰皮

因為好鐘意食冰皮既關係, 同埋九龍塘站有美心冰皮賣既關係, 又因為十幾蚊就一pack既關係, 我哩幾日都有買冰皮黎食, 今日仲三廿蚊買左三個, 頭先飯前飯後都各食左個, 而家仲想食埋果個... 死啦... 好瘋顚...! 哈哈

VSMS Production Launch Progress Summary

• Features/services ready
• Call detail records (CDR) statistics collection
• Interim CDR translation guide 100%
• Final CDR translation guide 80%
• Vendor digit translation 0%
• Connection path digit translation 0%
• Software development 30% (hh)
• Aggregation switch to VSMS network connectivity 100%
• MCP server farm to VSMS network connectivity 80% (sm + ck)
• VSMS to CDR-server network connectivity 0% (?)
• Auto FTP upload from VSMS to CDR server 80% (wk)
• End-to-end testing 0% (?)
• Realtime channel subscription
• Interim VSMS software development 90% (vendor)
• Final VSMS software development
• Error handling 70%
• Troubleshooting tools
• TL1 command logs 0%
• SNMP get/set logs 0%
• Administrative features 70%
• Read-only account login 0%
• Look and feel
• CLI 50%
• GUI 70%
• Five MCP TL1 command regression testing 90% (wk)
• Full TL1 command regression testing 30%
• GUI regression testing 20% (wk)
• Video Subscription Management System (VSMS) active/standby failure protection
• EMC AutoStart/Replistor setup 80% (vendor)
• Production failover testing 50% (vendor)
• Pre-box video subscription management 0%
• Operation, administration, maintenance and provisioning (OAM&P) ready
• Pre-provisioning
• Channel pre-provisioning 100%
• Product pre-provisioning 100%
• CAC profile pre-provisioning 100%
• Bill and order provisioning
• Subscriber line provisioning flow 100%
• Subscriber CAC profile provisioning flow 80% (?)
• Product provisioning flow 100%
• QA testing
• QA site setup 100%
• QA first regression test 100%
• QA issue resolution 70% (kv + wk)
• QA final regression test 0% (QA team)
• VSMS access for operation
• Network connectivity
• IMC network 100%
• NM network 80% (cc)
• Remote desktop 100%
• FTP server 100%
• VSMS CLI telnet 100%
• OS telnet 0%
• Alarm notification
• EMC AutoStart SNMP trap setup 0% (vendor + kl)
• VSMS HP server alarm/polling setup 0% (vendor + kl)
• Server time synchronization
• NTP setup 0%
• VSMS database backup/restore solution 50% (vendor)
• VSMS OS backup/restore solution 0% (vendor)
• Vendors remote access
• Temporary remote desktop solution 100%
• Production remote desktop solution 0%
• Handover documentation ready
• VSMS commissioning guide 0% (wk)
• Handover manual 10% (wk)
• Handover training ppt 30% (wk)
• VSMS installation guide 100%
• EMC AutoStart/Replicstor guide 100%
• VSMS TL1 command guide 100%
• VSMS GUI usage guide 100%

Bold red: Urgent for production launch

舊Blog

我覺得這一編寫得好美 ^^
http://babyarkit.blogspot.com/2006/06/blog-post.html

唔掂啦.. 好驚...

死啦死啦... 下個week星期三14號就要飛去青島present，但咩results都未有，ppt未整，好驚...好驚...諗到公司份commissioning guide未整，又好驚好驚... 冷靜... 真係要深呼吸，我要做既係早睡早起，keep到個精神朝九踩到晚十一。而家要返屋企啦，呼....

唔得呀... 一定要寫blog我先安靜到... 好~ 歸家沖涼瞓覺啦~!!

突然間好辛苦添

我認囉... 我好掛住好掛住好掛住ex，我哩幾日努力去面對，努力去唔再諗，但其實好困難... 我要加油，唔再屬於我既野無謂左幻想太多。

Bug fixed in ns-3~ Progressing to plot the first result

Just received an email from the editor of International Journal of Communication Systems and said he would grant me another extension for submitting the revision of my manuscript. Hehehehe~ that's good news.

A subtle bug was just cleared in my ns-3 simulation program. Now I know how to run multiple simulations but without re-calling the routing table calculation.

09中秋@咖啡灣

今年中秋同好友一齊過，好有記念價值 ^^





諗返轉頭都有d唔好意思，好似夾硬迫大家出黎陪我過中秋，其實係自己空虛之嘛，不過好合時宜地我哩幾日唔知係咪通左個A眼B眼，雖則依然空虛，但情況似乎唔再病態，有Nam+奶媽義氣力撐中秋出黎玩既氣氛，實在感激不盡。(今晚無捉緊機會同奶媽傾計，全程都諗住要照顧可怡，感到過意唔去哦。)


我哩夜做左d一直都幻想好想做但都唔敢去做既野 --- 哈哈就係無拿拿走埋去d陌生人到同佢地玩，今晚試左啦，原來最開心反而係計劃點樣玩以及心理準備既階段，反而真係出擊果下，可能件事原來比想象中易得多，覺得挑戰性不足，達唔到心目中果種exciting。哈哈可以同美女可怡拍住上，絕對值得記念! 當然仲有同個男不男女不女既Nam打頭炮，增加發惡夢既機率，絕對係會自動波記返起哩一夜既事。


星星煙花好好玩。^^


我地先選擇情侶檔埋手，最後係大人細路堆中選擇左兩位貌美少女 (同場客串 --- 細路一個) 作終結，每個被我地選中既陌生朋友仔女，反應都係唔知點應對。最令我開心既就係最後大叫既果位細路，「嘩~~~ 好靚呀」。係呀~~ 係好靚架~~ 哈哈~ 細路再係可怡手上接到一支可怡送出既星星煙花，「中秋節快樂」後再一路講「byebye」一路離開。mmmm其實都幾有意思架WO~


今晚既我同樣係刻意講多左野，不過今次我既多野講我自問唔似係病態既，而係因為我想製做多一d氣氛比大家同比自己。星星煙花，令我覺得過中秋應該係羅漫蒂克式。


哈哈，如果再玩過，其中一句對白我想改成咁：「如果我話妳知，哩支係我為妳特別送上既星星煙花，香港係無得買，妳相唔相信?」哈哈哈~~~~


晚夜咖啡灣確實帶有濃烈醉意。


頭先仲有一個活動未做 --- 手持燈籠漫步海邊~ 我滿腦子都係哩d無理正經既玩意~!!

嘩...! 真係好彩有搵齊交通資料

o岩o岩有人打比我問今晚歸家路線，哈哈~ 正正係十分鐘前就收手執齊既交通資訊馬上大派用場，一點半前或後離開都有唔同方法，再加上屯門站係的士5~6分鐘範圍，以及港鐵通宵行走，一齊都係掌握之內。電話中人似乎非常安心，笑笑口話今晚無問題，一陣見咁，哈哈~~~~

一件少事令我諗返公司頭三水既rotation，大家當時對我既comment都離不開靠得住同有交帶，因為我向來都會做好多

• 無即時需要
• 似乎只係我自己唔清楚但全世界都知晒
• 看來吃力不討好
• 等等

既野，但每每比人Q或有事發生，我就會有齊

• 大家以為無需要
• 大家原來都唔知得透切
• 大家都因太吃力而無視左
• 等等

既野, 然後就幫到手之餘又囉到好comments。

呀... 我好似忘記左啦... 記得有次有個同事話聽聞我好幫得手，果下既開心令我要記住一件事

• 其實engineering離不開一個「知」字, 要贏得大家好評, 只不過係花時間係條learning curve到, 耐心d, 唔好急住要有progress, 只要learning curve到頂, progress就會爆炸式出現。

我有實證架

• 初到公司，頭三個月幫手寫一個program，因為全新，我未學過，又加上返新工，好擔心自己學校做野方法唔適合，又擔心得唔到同事應同，不過我同自己講，比自己一個week時間，忍一忍零progress，day day返黎坐低就係睇docs睇standard學tools，哩一個week咩都唔做，然後第二個week，day 3就出program，之後同team一齊食飯先知，原來佢地都嘩左一聲，點解我可以快到咁，又問我上一份工做乜，話我唔似新仔! 哈哈
• 落黎而家做緊既哩一team，我又用同一個方法，叫自己忍受一個week零progress，全日一返黎就睇RFC睇RFP睇docs睇睇睇睇，因為有時又email傾計，仲要坐正ar head隔離，果個week真係好驚，就連ar head去pantry由後面返黎，我都好怕佢見到我係電腦到一尾掛住睇睇睇，結果第二個week起，不出幾日我就係lab到take up到好多野, 埋機config平時要靠vendor做，小弟就第一個坐埋去自己落config，team partner都話我黎左，test progress快左，因為我落手做config，唔洗等vendor，仲有lab個network setup，信心爆炸到見機set機，見trouble shoot trouble，真係可以話係個新環境新lab到打橫行都未驚過! 有時對vendor仲串咀埋，因為我識過佢，吹呀?!

哩幾個月真係後退得好緊要... 唔只day day都答唔到operation問既問題，handover手頭埋比teammate就更露晒我d馬腳出黎，比teammate媽叉... luck漏多就不在話下，又要趕唔切做，Google calendar到d task一堆埋就10個8個係同一day，跟本一day清4個已經頂晒龍，心情又要down，眼見要做既野，心就諗住幾時放工幾時weekend，返到學校又望住幾時走，日日都想逃被晒所有事情，最好唔晒做，最好日日打牙挍，最好晚晚搵女溝，最好朝朝瞓到一兩點。

哩幾個月一直張現時失敗既自己同過往有成績既自己比較，成日以都覺得係自己做唔黎network，應負唔黎咁多人參於既project，無能力面前人士關係。

其實係我忘記左去做好多

• 大家以為無需要
• 大家原來都唔知得透切
• 大家都因太吃力而無視左
• 等等

既事!

VSMS production launch progress summary就係一個例子，無人叫話要做，無人要睇，無人會有interest，只餘下幾個week就production launch就更唔會有人覺得而家先黎整哩樣野係有必要... 但我要整! That's me!

由中學學電子起，到city做FYP，到入到MPhil，可以算係自己向上行行得最斜，上得最快既過程，回想返轉頭，我都係不停比人話我唔好再轉牛角尖，當然，好多牛角尖的確唔應該轉，但大前題係，我對於

• 大家以為無需要
• 大家原來都唔知得透切
• 大家都因太吃力而無視左
• 等等

既事，我係有種唔做唔得既心情，哩d就係我既火掛~

由擒晚起，我個人越黎越興越黎越嬲越黎越火滾，因為好討厭好多事都唔完善唔完美!!!! 公司成班__街乜LUNG野都唔識，等我去識囉!! 他朝有日等我brief你地班__街!

我要爆啦!!!!!! 呀!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

睇住黎呀你地!! 我要返身!!! 我要做毒男，吹得我漲呀?! 我唔溝女啦!! 有錢有地位有工返有前途等等等等就有女，人類哩班__街就係咁膚淺，成日張我完美既心靈一絲不掛咁掛出黎叫賣，比哩班人類整到污嘈晒cheap晒!!

哈哈小小既一個電話都令我諗咁多野。好多謝d無心地幫左我既人。例如N字頭果條__街! 好LUNG憎妳!! 唔好左聊興我呀警告妳!! 吓~~!! 哼~~!!

我到低係個咩人黎....

哩一刻先知道原來佢的確有係哩個blog到寫野
http://erikohazel.blogspot.com/


本來諗住寫好多野, 因為我竟然要去到今日哩一刻先再走去睇佢哩個blog, 不過再比較一下佢現時既blog, 我就無咩想寫啦...
http://hazelcheungpp.blogspot.com/


哈......... 原來佢可以咁甜蜜架... 哈....


反觀自己過去哩兩個月做過乜, 簡直係不知所謂


反觀自己過去哩咁多年做過乜, 就更不知所謂


原來拍拖, 原來兩人相處, 唔可以單單隨心隨意就OK, 要花心機, 要花力氣, 一直都覺得咁樣好假, 感情應該以心相對, 但原來都錯晒, 正如同事所講, 人係由膚淺層面開始, 就連最膚淺既衣衫都搞唔好, 點戒獨?? 


我哩排係好煩, 個blog最近都只係一大炸情事, 一大炸唔開心既事, 但又如何? 我向來都係偏向報憂不報喜。


我應該點做好自己.... 我只係知道令我好掛念既果段歷史再無可能再續前緣, 再講, 我都唔想再續, 因為..... 或者係因為我輸唔起, 我唔想再日日有人話我知我未夠出力我未夠心思我未夠投入我未夠著緊我未夠XX未夠YY.... 夠啦.... 我走左啦, 一天都光晒啦?!


好想即刻離開香港...


好想唔反工, 全心全意面對research, 唔再為將來既事業放太多計算太多猜測, deflection routing係一件好值得做既事, 比起公司個__街VSMS有價值一百倍一萬倍, deflection routing過中所需要深究既知識比起公司果一大堆不知所謂既人士技巧有價值一萬倍一億倍!


我又頭暈啦...


好想即刻就申請轉工, 過vendor到寫network program, 唔知邊到搵哩d工, 但公司做SI (system integrator) 真係好白痴... math唔洗識, protocol唔洗知得深, CCNA唔考都可以, 世界其他大telco做緊乜又唔洗知, REUTERS internet news講既net neutrality問題, hot到連IEEE幾份network journal都有paper discuss, 公司無人知, 1993年bellcore公司內發現既traffic model, 驚天動地到反轉樹立百幾年既Poisson model一事, 連Cisco web page或者IETF既RFC standard都有提及既野, 公司無人知... 正一白痴地方... 成班都係白痴...


但我唔會yok, 一定唔會, 因為離開香港, 我會更孤獨...


我應該點繼續做自己... 


鐵定唔拍拖?
改變自己, 要自己假d, 做多d誇張野?
公司做獨行俠?
隨意搵個女仔拍下拖先?
斷絕一切有得睇無得食既關係?


我要冷靜.......


我本來既計劃係咁

• - 繼續儲錢結婚, 無得結也好, 都要繼續儲, 而家$1500/mth, 2010年我要變返$2000/mth, 因為公司no pay leave應該會取消, 到個HSBC installment loan都還晒, 就變$3000/mth, 吹咩? 我越儲越多, 我就係繼續唔買衫, 唔買無謂野
• - 公司做到完trainee scheme, 到時再諗轉去另一間telco定留低, 無論如何都一定要做telco, 因為好似HUAWEI哩間vendor有個job ad請人做equipment development都要求係telco做過5年, 而且係telco做過再過vendor的確有實用價值
• - 2009年要考到CCNA, 2010要考到CCNP
• - PhD一日未畢業, 一日都唔會離開香港, 無合理原因的, 只因溝女一定要係香港
• - 2013年畢業, 就著手諗過檔vendor, 到時可以離開香港就離開, 或者撘學校super路數過oversea uni做post-doc, 邊做搵vendor工, 或者再讀多個oversea既MSc, 邊讀邊搵vendor工, 或者direct apply入vendor做, HUAWEI係深圳, 哩個係最有可能, 佢都有oversea office做歐洲佬生意, web都有講有請人哦, anyway, 2013年再算
• - 2013年前都遇唔到個我會愛佢愛到又送花又送公仔既女仔, 就算啦唉...... DU LE NO MO..... 乜LUNG野世界黎架.... 我鐘意過 (過去了OK?! 唔好再張我d說話諗成放風, 然後就回避我啦好無呀, 係咪妳自己有野炸大叔??!) 既人愛情生活都比我好咁多, 但就係無我份, 唉... 算啦算啦!!! 做人唔好再咁童話啦, 有錢咪有女囉~ 妳班人渣敗類....! 妳地去拍拖去結婚啦~ 請飲記得叫我WO, 免得我以為妳地對我有野啦!! 我一定封大利事既, 放心啦~
• - 唔LUNG拍拖啦!!! 等人溝我啦DU....冷靜d, I mean我唔再諗d表面證供都唔成立既人
• - 葉文輝... 唉... 我對你唔住, 由中一相識到而家, 我知你當我係深交係死黨, 但我唔係, 因為你唔係女! 所謂「朋友」真係一個好假既詞語, 過客又叫朋友, 朋朋下友轉頭又有另一班好朋友, 朋朋下友轉頭又轉校又畢業又轉工然後就唔知仲叫唔叫你做朋友, 朋朋下友大家背景越變越唔相似就互相有隔膜然後就再唔叫你做朋友, 有d所謂老朋友就N年後其實都唔知人地全名係乜咁都會叫做朋友。男女之間做朋友對我黎講有個好處, 因為異性相吸, 我會feel到我想見一個女仔, 但我唔會feel到我會想見一個男仔... anyway, 輝Gor, 我諗你都應該拍唔到拖架啦, 不如大家相依為命下啦 (你話係咪好LUNG基... 所以點解同女仔做朋友會好d)
• - 仲有奶媽~ 對朋友既睇法, 奶媽應該同我近
• - ex既一切我要黎個大清洗, 留係到跟本晒氣, 日日都以為自己過緊日劇般既故事, 其實真正既日劇生活係人地果pair, 我只係一個唔成熟既低B仔。27歲啦... 唔好再以為心靈可以打通一切, 一切從膚淺開始!!
• - 我要買衫, 要著靚d
• - 我lunch想搵人食飯就搵, 想自己一個就自, 唔洗諗咁多, 總之儲到錢就乜都得
• - 下個week返到公司要打張VSMS production launch progress summary, 雖然只有最後幾個week, 但我需要哩份野令自己安心, 令自己上心, send比ar頭再email散比planning, 實行要佢official化, DU LE!!!!!!!! 好LUNG興我而家!! 
• - 聽日咖啡灣睇怕都無人去, 踩完單車留守學校, 繼續ns-3~!! 我今日搵到個program bug左係邊啦! 

(成編野寫左我一個鐘有多... 痴線....)

This is for you if you keep looking for perfection

We, who look for perfection at every facet, have to be used to live with problems and flaws.

A bad way to describe "look for perfection" is --- looking for risk-less way to do things due to low self-esteem. Risk-less is just impossible I would say.

Don't know if you share my thinking below. I do look for perfection, and at the same time I can find myself suffering from

1 - lack of confidence to progress
2 - unwilling (not declining) to accept suggestions or recommendations from peers (but willing to do so if s/he is respectable)
3 - (can't think more at this moment but I know there can be more to be listed here)

To be honest, I don't think I can fix the point 2 in my lifetime. So, I accept it, I wouldn't try to fix it, and just let it to be part of my personality.

I am practicing myself to life with problems and flaws, but with no success yet. Example include let a plan go even though I see there are problems ahead.

I find from my workplace that problems are just everywhere...... I hate that and I can't manged this well.

Ooo..... again I don't sleep in night....

思想

一首總會令我不停思想的歌曲，一首很美令我很滿足的歌曲。